Little Rag Doll
by LovelyRoseThorns
Summary: Maybe she can change and maybe she can't but she needs to know that she can try. Maxie and Coop, and how it all falls apart. T rating. Completed.


I've always been a pretty big fan of Maxie, and her relationship with Coop and certain turn of events in the show had me writing this drabble. I don't think there are any spoilers. The only warning is it might be a little anti-Elizabeth.

I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to ABC.

**LITTLE RAG DOLL**

He never tells her he loves her.

Sometimes—and these times are very few and far in between—Maxie lets herself believe he does. Usually it's somewhere between straddling him with her legs and burying her mouth in his. The moment suspends itself in time and he stops to look into her eyes—really, really look at her—as if she holds the entire world in them.

Other times she wishes he didn't look at her like that. She's warned him she's bad news, went so far as to explain in vivid detail each and every one of her twisted screw-ups just so he wouldn't put her up in a pedestal.

Doesn't he understand everything she's done has been selfish? Saving him from the hostage crisis, getting him into the police academy, covering for him time and again, has all been so she could keep him to herself. He doesn't see it—maybe he doesn't want to—and lets himself look at her as if she has the world in her eyes.

And then she's draped across from him, hands circling needlessly the expanse of his chest and she has never felt this way before and damn she's going to break his heart but really none of it really matters because he's kissing her again, and her feet are climbing higher up his leg and this is easy. In any case, she does love him, in her own selfish and damaged way, and because she can't say the words (she has no use for words) she shows him the only way she knows how.

With every burning touch she tries to let him know, a little taunting voice nudging inside her brain to tease, _you're going to screw this up, Maxie._

He's still kissing her, and it's so gently given she almost wants to cry. _But maybe I won't._

------------------

Kate Howard is everything Maxie could ever aspire to be. She oozes sophistication and grace with every one of her confident struts, and wears the expensive designer clothes as if she was born to do so. And so when she'd commented positively on one of Maxie's empire waist gowns and offered her a job as an assistant, she jumped at the chance.

Maxie used to be a size six. She used to love herself this way. Except her dorm mate (the pothead Lucy) had giggled and taunted Maxie mercilessly last year as Maxie tried unsuccessfully to slip into the girl's size four dress. She stole the dress from Lucy's closet after she decided to drop out of college, and she can wear it often now—it hangs onto her body like an overflowing drape and in a warped sort of way, it was her own special victory.

--------------------

Georgie (sweetandperfectandwhycan'tyoubemorelikherMaxie?) comes home with another perfect grade and Mac is beaming so hard it's impossible to miss. He doesn't say so, would never even hint at it, but Maxie knows he's quietly relieved at least one of his daughters got it right.

She wants to tell him she works two jobs and she thinks she's good at them except she doesn't, because she doesn't have much to show for it except a brand new shirt and it's really nothing compared to what Georgie accomplishes. Georgie, being the sweet and special sister she is, complimented her on her shirt as she sat down to dinner.

Maxie didn't really like the shirt anymore.

"I wanted to be a doctor when I was little," she tells Coop when they're back in their little cocoon. She doesn't want to over think their activities or the fact that most of them involved the bedroom (what did you expect, really, Jones? It's not like you've got much of else to offer). So she talks a lot, some of it is true and some of it really isn't, but she really meant it that day.

"You did?" he grins, in a kind of heart-melting way and something twists and churns inside of her as she remembers Logan's cocky grin and the stupid bet.

"Yeah," she scoffs to hide the fact there's something pricking at her eyes, "isn't that completely stupid?"

"I don't think it's stupid at all," he says softly, and it's for this and many other reasons she is so pathetically in love with him. She wants the good guy. She wants Jesse and Lucky and Coop even if she never gets to keep them.

She toys with the fringes of the pillow, shrugs casually. "It was after BJ gave me her heart. I guess I wanted to help someone else, too. But, me studying for like eight whole years or whatever? That's a laugh."

To prove it, she's laughing, and the harder she tries the faker it comes out, and he's not joining her.

"Robin's a really good doctor," she rambles, and she keeps rambling and she wants to shut herself up. "Georgie would be a good one, too. They're very dedicated."

"And you're not?"

She's tracing patterns on his back again, because he's lying in his stomach as he faces her seriously. When they first began whatever-it-is-they-are, and they'd end up in the same position she'd unknowingly trace Lucky's tattoo on his back and she wondered if it really meant anything. She thinks it does, and she's glad that she doesn't do it anymore, doesn't even think to.

"I'm not much of anything," she replies with a smile. He opens his mouth only she doesn't want to hear false pleasantries and he's looking at her _that way_ again, and so kisses him to make it better.

And it is.

----------------

He's defending Lulu _again_. Apparently, Logan has taken it upon himself to kiss the sainted Lulu without her consent _again_ and it would seem Lulu doesn't only need one man to protect her, not even two or three, but _four_.

Maxie hates Lulu for a lot of things, the biggest that she stole Dillon from Georgie. But she also hates her because they're cut from the same cloth, have resorted to the same lows and Lulu is still heralded as the Port Charles sweetheart. Somehow, despite having done equally heinous things, Lulu is all that is loveable and good and Maxie is not.

What-the-fuck-ever.

She isn't even pretty. And Maxie tends not to underestimate her opponents—she'll grudgingly admit Elizabeth Spencer is pretty freaking gorgeous, even if she is a two-faced, baby-voiced, insipid idiot.

Lulu has a very large forehead, a strange, gangly body and an asexual personality. So why is it that everyone—even Coop—flocks to her in her time of need? Lulu isn't the only one life has been unfair to.

She doesn't say anything this time. Not about Laura (though really, isn't it better that you're mother isn't with you because she's a vegetable and not because, you know, she can't be bothered?), not about anything really because she's tired of having to claw her way to get what she wants.

Instead, she jabs Spinelli in the ribs and before he starts babbling incoherently about how evil she is she points him toward Georgie. Georgie, who is prettier and smarter and a _better person_ than she or Lulu could ever aspire to be. Maxie lies, of course, and tells him Georgie had been asking about him because she's sure they have a lot in common.

He's doubtful, and moves away from her to spew about how unworthy Logan is, but all Maxie can see is Cooper grabbing Logan by the collar, and turning to Lulu to ask if she's alright.

Maxie leaves, not that anyone notices, and she doesn't regret the bet now.

She even leaves with a half-smile on her face, because while Milo and Dillon were still crowding over Lulu, Spinelli has sat down across from Georgie.

------------------------

She doesn't know how to bake. However, she makes some mean chocolate-peanut butter cookies. It's always comforting to make them, because they remind Maxie of her grandmother who taught her to do them in the first place.

She usually gives them to Mac, because he loves them and because she always feels guilty. So she struts her way into the station, wearing a pretty white sundress Kate gave her earlier with cookies in her hand. She hopes Mac likes them, because then she won't think about what she did to get Coop into the academy.

Mac isn't there, but Cruz is, and he always looks at her like he wants to know what she hides under her sundress. It never really bothers her, because Cruz is gorgeous and it's not like guys have ever liked her for anything else. She wouldn't have flirted with him (or maybe you would have, Maxie) if she hadn't been so angry at Coop, but she does and he eats the cookies and they're laughing when Coop walks in and she couldn't have planned it better.

Coop doesn't get angry. He doesn't get jealous and if he does he never shows it because Coop is too nice for that. Maxie lowers the cookie because it tasted bitter just then, and because she likes how Lucy's dress looks on her when it's overflowing.

----------------

She's not attracted to Logan, really.

It's just, in a strange, blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of way, he reminded her of Zander. He wasn't anywhere near as beautiful as the boy who'd given her the prom and kind of broken her heart (and Emily Quartermaine is pretty gorgeous, too). But Logan holds the same kind of anger and grudge against the world Zander used to, Maxie can't help but feel the pull toward him.

Logan also knows she's a screw-up like he is. He never looks at her like Coop does, with the world in his eyes. She would never disappoint him, only because he expects the worst not just from her but from everyone.

He's approaching her the way someone would its prey and she decides he really doesn't remind her of Zander, after all. He grins (cockily of course, does he ever do anything else?) and puffs his chest proudly. "It's done."

She doesn't say anything to him. At first it doesn't register what he's talking about. She backs into the counter at Kelly's and stares at him blankly. "You're lying. Lulu wouldn't give it up that easily."

"She was very vulnerable," he says. "Thanks for the tip, by the way."

He claps his hands as she's still shell-shocked. "So, when do I get my due?"

"I didn't mean it," Maxie replies, and it comes out so feebly, so childlike she hates herself for it.

"Sweetheart, a deal's a deal."

"I wasn't going to go through with it," she stammers, and she doesn't know what's wrong with her because she knows how to keep her cool, except he's up in her face now and grabbing her by the wrist and drawling, _"You promised."_

Maxie toys with the idea of kicking him in the nether region, but Coop's voice freezes her in her spot.

His voice comes as if it's sliced with pain. "What did you promise, Maxie?"

----------------------

They're in his bed again, only they're not doing what she usually loves to. He's sitting at the other end, seemingly miles and miles away from her. He's rigid still, with his back to her and she's trying to explain everything but it's hard amidst the hiccups and the sobs. She doesn't even believe herself through some of it, can't even catch most of her explanation except _it's not like Lulu didn't like him anyway_ and she thinks maybe she said _It was all Logan's idea_ and _Why did you have to be so nice to her?_

Coop's head whips toward her at this, and she can see he's stunned. "So this is my fault?"

Maxie swallows painfully the thorny lump in her throat. "I just… I knew if I didn't do something, it was going to end with you finally seeing what all those other duds do, and you'd leave me high and dry for the all mighty feminine prowess that is Lulu Spencer."

He looks hurt, and she hates herself. "Is that what you think of me?"

"What am I supposed to think?! You never tell me what you feel about anything!!! What you do tell me I have to force it out of you. You know everything about me and I don't know anything about you and guess what? I can't read your mind, Coop!"

He doesn't say anything and she can feel him slipping away from her. Frantically, she grabs at his arm. "Coop, I love you."

He smiles sadly, shakes her hand away from him. "If you loved me half the way I do you—one iota of that percentage—you wouldn't have done this to me and to us."

She backs away, covering her face. "I warned you about me."

His jaw clenches and he looks away. "I guess you did."

------------------------

Maxie knows drowning her sorrows at Jake's is a very, very bad idea but she's already of legal age and there wasn't anything else to do. While she's happy Georgie has gotten so close with Spinelli (freak that he is) she wished she had someone to cry with.

In a weird turn of events she finds Sam McCall of all people drowning her sorrows as well. Maxie can tell Sam has been at Jake's longer than she has, and has taken many more tequilas than she would, because there's no other reason why she'd be spilling her guts to Maxie about Jason and Jason's job and Elizabeth Spencer and baby Jake.

Maxie should've been happy about the news, should've run to tell Lucky that his lying coward of a wife is passing off a child of Jason's but all she feels is a cold heaviness nestling into her heart that even tequila can't numb.

She calls a cab for Sam, because the woman's incapable of coherent speech she's crying so hard.

"You're a lot prettier than Elizabeth," Maxie says, because she doesn't know what else to say.

Sam laughs and Maxie wishes she could tell Sam she's a lot prettier when she laughs.

And that's how Friday night at Jake's kind of became their thing.

--------------------

Coop doesn't call her and she doesn't expect him to. She gets a lot of grief from Lulu, because apparently Logan decided to get a conscience and spill all to the blonde nuisance. In turn, Georgie decided she had to give her grief, too, along with most of the Port Charles citizens that think Lulu is the second coming.

Mac only shakes his head sadly. Doesn't reprimand her, doesn't punish her, and this only makes her cry harder because it means he's given up on her, and all Maxie really needs is for someone not to give up on her.

She tries moving on, actually feels moments of content when Kate shows her editing pieces and then allows her further into her magazine. Suddenly she was teaching Maxie everything she could. Kate doesn't have kids and doesn't want to, but she tells Maxie all the time she sees a little bit of Kate inside of her. Maxie doesn't believe it, but she feels kind of warm inside and lets Kate take her under her wing. She helps with fittings and column pieces and almost bowls over when Kate tells her she has promise.

Alexis and Kate have taken to joining Sam and Maxie over at Jake's which may seem like a very strange combination but isn't. And after Alexis it's Robin and sometimes Kelly and Lainey. Robin, who makes a career out of worrying for Maxie and there's something empowering about Robin and even more empowering about Alexis that Maxie knows she'll try not to screw up anymore if she can only one day be half the women they are. She glances at Sam, and knows the brunette feels the same way too and she hopes they're not too jaded and damaged and broken to start fresh.

She visits the station a lot with the damned cookies, which taste better than ever but Mac doesn't eat anymore. Cruz eats them though, and he still smiles at her and she wonders why someone so genuinely pleasant and handsome is alone.

She also hopes that in one of her trips she'll see Coop but she has the suspicion he runs away from her whenever she's there.

She keeps bringing cookies, however, and hopes one day Mac starts eating them again.

Georgie dates Spinelli now, and Maxie gets used to having him around. She goes from _The Evil Blonde One_ to _Sister of the Brainy Beauty_ and she's long stopped trying to figure him out.

Sam calls to tell her Carly warned her to stay away from Maxie because Lulu is her favorite niece. Maxie laughs as Sam tells her where she told Carly to shove it.

Maybe she can change and maybe she can't but she needs to know she can try.

----------------------

She moves into her own place because things are weird at Mac's (and she hates even more that the straw that broke the camel's back is Lulu, of all people). Kate pays her more than she should and Maxie knows it's because she's taken to her and wants to help.

She doesn't refuse the salary increase and moves across from Robin. Patrick helps with the boxes (even though he's not MUCH of a help because he's a surgeon and can hurt his hands), Kate helps with furniture she can't afford, and Alexis and Sam stop by with potted plants and it's not perfect but Maxie has never felt more grounded.

Georgie calls and promises to stay over. She tells Maxie that Mac has been asking for chocolate-peanut butter cookies and if she wasn't so burdened could she make them for him and Maxie's smiling so hard because it sounds like a beginning.

She's opening boxes and she sits in the half-empty one-bedroom apartment looking over pictures that shouldn't mean anything anymore but they do. She's embarrassed to see she's kept a picture of Lucky (Lucky doesn't even know she has it) and with great sadness she tears the picture of her childhood crush in two. He's forgiven her even if she doesn't deserve it and she hopes he's happy, because you can be happy with a lie (people prefer a beautiful lie over an ugly truth).

There's a knock at the door and she thinks her very first visitor.

It's Coop, and he's as sweetly handsome as she remembers him. He stands awkwardly and doesn't seem in any rush to speak and God Maxie, you've missed him so much.

She's rambling again, talking about her job with Kate and Sam's potted plants but he kisses her midway. There was a certain adjustment to how he was kissing her. It was no longer the gentle way that made her want to cry. These kisses were hungry, dirty, all teeth and bare skin and leaving no room to breathe (maybe this means he's missed you, too). His hands are soft and so are his lips, but they are never gentle. He doesn't treat her as if she was perfect anymore. She grows to like this.

"You can't do that to me again. We won't survive if you pull anything like it again," he harshly says against her lips.

She wants to swear never but he's kissing her again.

And he doesn't look at her like she has the world in her eyes anymore.

She supposes the point of all of this is, he still _looks at her_.


End file.
